Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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