M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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