Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
