I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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