Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
