Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
