Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
