Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
