yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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