he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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