I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
