It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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