If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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