I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
