The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
