my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
