He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
