Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
