But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
