i just google imaged poop.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
