Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
