So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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