my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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