i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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