I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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