So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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