Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
