Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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