Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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