the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
