At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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