I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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