Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
