Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
