I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
