I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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