I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
