I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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