I could make wine with my vomit
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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