Where did you get a picture of my penis
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
