NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
