I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
