You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
