I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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