hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
