I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
