I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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