so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
