Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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