dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
