I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
