i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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