...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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