You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
