new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize