I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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