I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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