omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
