The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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