his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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