i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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