And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
