Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
