Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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