I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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