Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
