woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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