that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
