Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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