Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
