On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize