i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
