Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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