everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
