you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
