dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
