I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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