I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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