Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someone shit on the floor
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize