I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
