I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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