I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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