the condom got lost in my hair
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
