When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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