I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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