The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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