People in love make me want to vomit
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize