Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
