I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
