this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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