i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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