She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think my moral compass just broke
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
