The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His nipple licking is glorious
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