Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
