Porn is love you can see.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
