Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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