if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
